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People Against Satanic Squirrels
Top Ten Reasons Why Squirrels Are Satanic

You saw the header, now here are the reasons.

10. You always see them scurrying about soooo fast. But what are they running for? Huh?

9. Inside each and every one of their hollow trees, there is a portal to hell.

8. You think those nuts they are always eating are acorns? HA! Then you don't know HOW the men in hell are being tortured...

7. They gather in groups every day, to discuss what to do with the insolent fools called humans!

6. How many of you have seen a squirrel in Heaven, anyway?

5. Have any of you seen the Clusters commercials?

4. Reread the bible. It says "Thou shalt never covet a squirrel, for they art the heathen spawn of the unholy lawyer, Satan himself.

3. Ah, you think that their innocent banter is really squrrel chatter, but THEY SPEAK IN TONGUES!!! YESSSSS......

2. There were no squirrels on Noah's ark. How do explain their existence? Could it be.... SATAN!!!

1. Look out your window. There is one looking at you RIGHT NOW. And if you don't see it, trust me, it's there...



Why People Against Satanic Squirrels (P.A.S.S.) Exists

P.A.S.S. exists to notify and warn people about the evils of squirrels. As an city dweller (Baltimore) I know that squirrels act all cute, and even go so far as to beg an old lady for peanuts. But deep within their cute, fuzzy chests, there lies a heart of evil. I know this firsthand, because tragically, my sister died of massive head trauma because of a squirrel. The fiend jumped in front of the car carrying me, my sister, and my mom (who was driving) and stopped there, in the middle of the road, only five feet in front of us. Mom slammed the brakes, and my sister was thrown headfirst out of the windshield. Suddenly thousands of squirrels attacked the body, and all that was left was her skull. I keep it on top of my mantle, as a reminder.

Now behold the evils of Satanic squirrels.


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This Anti-Squirrel Ring site is owned by
Jon Takacs.

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